I’m not a vegetarian and I’m not a PETA fenatic, but I love animals. I love people and personality too. And I love food. I love to eat food. I love to eat food but not food that has personality, or food that constantly reminds me it was once alive and breathing… and CUTE, damn it.
A&W’s Chubby Chicken, for instance. It’s good stuff, but COME ON! Why must I be incessently tortured while trying to enjoy it! Chubby chicken? It’s bad enough they have posters all over the darn place advertising a fluffly looking, chick… a child chicken for crying out loud, but they had to title the dish Chubby Chiciken!? “Oh look at me! I’m Eeee-VIL, I’m dovouring portions of a once adorable chicken-child, a chubby one too, ho-ho, a cutsi-wootsi baby that smiled with a beak and wore a darling hat! EEEE-VIL I say!”
Oh the horror.
And what about the Pillsbury dough-boy? He’s awesome right? I mean I love those commercials, how the dough-boy is all soft and dunchy, and how when you poke his dough-boy belly he bends over with those dough-boy arms and laughs so cute, “hoo-hoo!”
Yeah, he’s awesome alright, until I shove all those dough-boy cinnamon rolls into the oven and watch them bloat out and drip dark sugar all over my pan. “Hooooo-Hooooo you’re cooking me! You’re COOOOKING MEEEEE!”
If you’re going to be serving up food be careful how you market it. Your dish’s face must make folks want to eat the food that’s on it, not be friends with it. Everyone knows they’re not supposed to play with their food…
Like I said, I love a great personality, but I’m not about to salt my best friend and take a bite out of her face… but wait a minute… read these famous sayings…
“She bit my head off,”
“She chewed me up,”
“Eat your heart out!”
“He’s sour today,”
“He’s so sweet!”
“Who has toe-jam?”
I guess we’re all just a bunch of foxes in disguise!